Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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