Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
