just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
