Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
