im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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