Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I want a musical about memes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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