I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
