I have demons in me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dicks are not precious.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
