Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
