he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
