I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
