new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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