i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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