My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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