Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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