We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
