I'm lost and stupid without you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
