first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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