Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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