I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
