I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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