My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
