I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
