I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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