Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
