I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
