I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
