u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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