I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
