I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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