He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
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they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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