I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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