I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?