It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.