you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend