Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit