Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
