If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
