that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
