Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
