Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
