my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
