I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
