i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
