Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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