I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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