i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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