Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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