Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
