Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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