So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
His nipple licking is glorious
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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