a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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