hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
