Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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