y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
