I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
