Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
