its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
