Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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