i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
