dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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