Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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