You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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