walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
