I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
