His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
